Stuff is happening right now, and it makes me sick with worry and grief. It feels like a big lump of horror is gnawing my guts. It makes my eyes tear, my stomach hurt and my muscles tense. Everything depends on what happens this weekend, and if it goes wrong, I might never ever write again. I hope (and I actually pray – which I have never done before) that everything turns out well. I have faith, though I despair.
Those of you that have been reading my notes I give my thanks. I really hope I shall find the strength and joy to write again.