I am tired of nagging. And I am tired of people in the company just being so stubborn and so single minded. Either I cannot make them understand or they just don’t want to. Another alternative is that they understand, but the just don’t give a shit about my arguments. Even though I feel it’s for the best of the company. It might be a bit of all, but nevertheless I am making enemies, because I won’t shut up. I am too concerned about the company to not argue for what I believe is right. A lot of the guys just consider one or two of the aspects, but they don’t seem to give a shit about other, really important stuff.
Sometimes I wonder if I should go on. Often I feel I am giving too much of myself, but nobody cares. I am kind of convinced that a lot would change for the worse if I left. I have played with the idea of making a new company, or join an existing one. Or just give up reenacting. Or at least do nothing in the company, and leave everything I do for others to handle. That way they might notice how much I really contribute to our group.
It might be that I am totally mistaken. I might not be such a big player after all. The company might just do fine without me, but sometimes – today for example – it feels like everything would crash without my efforts. We’ll see what happens, and what I’ll do in the end.